chilly dReams

人心轮：心的地图 (1)

2008-04-18T22:35:00.011+08:00

人心轮：心的地图 (1)

我个人的思考:

我想人的心呢，是一个很 complicated 的地方。它有着非常多的地方，非常多的人物和非常多的情感。在“心之谷”的最深处，也是它的中心，所谓的 "heart of HEART", 有一栋很漂亮，装潢一流的豪华私人住宅。在这一栋豪宅里住着一个很孤僻的人叫做“自己”。对了，“自己”呢就是一个只为自己着想的人。他凡事都把自己放在第一位，把别人排在后头。这豪宅是在伤心时自我疗伤的地方，也是在失望时自我安慰的地方和在寂寞时自我欢乐的地方。这栋私人豪宅就是为了自己而建的。我相信每个人都会有自私的一面，都会替自己着想。

在豪宅的左边，有一座温馨的房子叫“家”。在家里，住着许许多多的亲人尤其是一个叫“爸爸” 和“妈妈”的人。在家里有着对家人的爱，的关心和尊重。这里也收集了很多与家人的美好回忆。在“家”里，我们就会感到很幸福，很满足，也很有归宿感。这是一个无论在任何时候，任何地点，发生了任何事情，都会欢迎你的地方，永远会有你的位子。

在 "heart of HEART" 的右边有一栋私人公寓住宅。公寓有上无数的房子，每一间都是 "RFF", Reserved For Friends。这里呢住着非常多的朋友，有同学，有同事，有普通朋友，有好朋友，有知心朋友，也有闺中密友。公寓里有着浓浓的友情味，有很深厚的感情，也会有着朋友之间普遍的磨差和意见不和，但也会有着包容心，原谅和忍耐。

To be continued...

2007-03-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

我的美丽的回忆

爱

2007-03-23T22:23:00.000+08:00

与其等别人来爱自己，不如自己学会怎么爱自己!

你

2007-03-23T21:19:00.000+08:00

哈哈。。。我又跟你联络了。我们已经好久没有好好聊聊了。。。我还有一点想念与你聊天的日子。。。哈哈。但现在的情况和以前不一样了。。。不能随时随地和你聊天了。你和以前一样，还是那么的随和，友善和和蔼。还记得第一次和你说话时，我真的没想到你会这么亲切地和我说话。在这个世界里，我想再也无法找到一个和你一样的男生了。。。可惜啊！第一次与你通电话时还蛮紧张，但很快就不紧张了。不知怎么了，久而久之与你聊天就成了一种习惯。。。每一次遇到问题都会找你，要和你说。不过。。。你太忙了，没办法常与我说话再加上**，我们就很少聊天了。唉。。。过不了多久你就要去当兵了。。。那时候要聊天就跟难了。不管怎么样，你是一个很好的朋友。。。很高兴能认识你。

我以为

2007-03-17T22:48:00.000+08:00

我以为说忘记就忘记多麽洒脱容易怎么会看你一眼头才一点眼泪又不听话呢难道说过去总会过去不是一种真理

我想我对你的感觉可以用以上的那句话来形容。我以为我已经把你从我的脑海里删除了。。。可是每一次看到你，我就会有一些微妙的感觉。不知怎么了，我对你的愤怒已不存在了。你知道吗，我真的很想把你从我的脑海里删除掉，就像用 delete button 删除电脑里不要的档案一样。很不幸的，人脑不能像电脑一样，说 delete 就能永远不见了。我想这也是人脑可贵的一点吧。

唉。。。每一天都要看到你。。。不管我再怎么想忘掉你也不可能忘得了。虽然我暂时还不能把你忘记，但我已经决定了。。。不要再让这件事影响我的生活。我要快快乐乐地度过我的高中生活。。。不要再被这些无聊的事所困扰。

“只要笑一笑没什么事情过不了”，我要抱着这种态度去面对生活和你！加油！加油！加油！

"不一定"

2007-03-02T22:04:00.000+08:00

逃避不一定躲得过

面对不一定最难受

转身不一定最软弱

硬撑不一定最勇敢

放手不一定最懦弱

跌倒不一定是不幸

失败不一定是句号

成功不一定是开始

人的一生有如此多的不一定，到底什么才是一定的呢？

2007-01-13T21:54:00.000+08:00

Life is like a roller coaster, sometimes u r on top of the world, sometimes u r dangling of ur seats, upside down. Currently, i feel that my life is like the latter scenario of the roller coaster ride, making me feel disoriented and dizzy, unable to find my footing on the ground.

After seeing the class pic of my ex-cg, i was hit by a overwhelming sense of melancholy. I missed my old cg tremendously, missing the people, the fun and everything in the past. What i have enjoyed in the past are what that are missing in my current life, the feeling of belonging, the coziness and the familiarity. I know i m being silly, trying to cling to the past but it is something that i m reminded of everyday. Maybe, I should be content with what i have now n learn to count my blessings.

The start of school is the end of me...hahs...i agreed wholeheartedly. After a long break from school, instead of feeling cleansed, refreshed and ready for the start of a new school year, i feel apprehensive and dreaded the new year before it has even started.

~graceygal~

dricks' gathering

2007-01-11T19:00:00.000+08:00

a new tomorrow

2007-01-11T17:31:00.000+08:00

A brand year has started. Seeing the year ones walking around brought me down my memory lane. Remember the time when i was like them, naive, ignorant and full of dreams, not quite knowing the true colours of reality. Now, a year has passed, i have grown older, wiser and more wary. After a year of struggling and trying, i am only rewarded with occasional small successes, never truly belonging or fitting in. Although, it may seem like a complete puzzle on the exterior, it is actually one with pieces missing in the heart. Sometimes, i am struck with a sense of wistfulness, wishing that i am back in the past where everything seems easier.

In school, everything seems familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. The things that one sees and hears are still as it is but the feelings are a millions times different from those in the past. Everything except for the dmn gang feels different. i dunno why but i always feel that there are whisperings and furtive glances flicked in my way. i wondered if i am just being suspicious or it is really true. anyway, wadever, i dun really care about what u all think.

new beginning

2006-03-31T21:48:00.001+08:00

Hmm...a new beginning..feeling very weird n out of place in my new life. I do not know if the problem lies with me or lies with them. Of course, i would like to think that the problem lies with them rather than me but i think i m partly at fault too. i may seem a little unfriendly to them..i dunno why..new peeps always find me unfriendly. I am not unfriendly or distant, it is just that i m self concious n dunno how to communicate with new peeps. People who dunno me will think that i am a very serious person but i am not.. i m very crazy with all my friends. Probably i need to learn to open up more to people n let them see the fun side of me. But i dunno how to go about it..haix. How i wished i could be like the others, those who can mix around so well with people they have just met. I just do not have that kind of genes in me...haix

I hope i will get use to it soon n will not feel like i dun belong in my new life...jia you girl!

new life!

2006-03-12T23:06:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...starting new school life...meeting new people. Will it be as sucessful n fruitful as before? I do hope so! Sigh...taking 4H2, dun even know can survive or not...hoping i can though. Nevermind, i have a superb tuition teacher, the only problem is that he is busier than me...sigh. Nevermind, i still have a bunch of dependable friends that will study with me, through thick n thin...yes, i will depend on u guys liao...haas. Aiyaya...must go for make up lectures till may which means that i will go home veri late everydae...haix. by the time i reach home, i dun think i will have the energy to study n do work...how m i going to survive through all this?

lost n lonely

2006-03-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

Aiyaya...why am i feeling depressed though i got into the college of my dreams. After i left TP, i started to miss it. I missed cg 06s12 n all my tutors. After two months there, it is hard to just pack n leave without feeling anything. i really had a wonderful time there. i still remember the time when we want to skip gp but met the teacher on our course of escaping..haa. Also the time we want skip gp lecture but was forced to go becos the teacher called me. Also, the time we took photos, the smoking poses, bowling poses n s12 poses. Also, how we always take a long long time to reach our lessons esp maths. i gonna miss all the dunmanites that r going elsewhere esp jean. sigh...been in the same school for so long, feel veri weird to be in different schools now but i guess we will meet up often so it is ok. But then, i wun hav anyone to go toilets wif me, tolerate my stupid questions n vomiting habit. Aiyaya, hard to find someone who can tolerate me. Hiyaya...also must 4get him liao..haahaa..but not that easy cos his name always come up..how to 4get when i m reminded of him every now n then..sigh...

Also, i need to adapt to a new environment again n meet new peeps. Not that i dun like to meet more peeps but i m veri self concious n i feel weird in umfamiliar environment. Sigh...how? feeling a little lost n lonely.

THANKS!

2006-03-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

Heartfelt thanks n big hugs to all who have made my 2 months in TPJC the best times of my life.

Firstly, arigatoks to all the Dunmanites who are in TPJC especially those in OGD N CGD. During these two months, i have known many of u better especially those in 4B. I have really enjoy all the times we had together. Thanks u veri much for letting me know u all beter.

Secondly, arigatoks to my crazie but fun CG, 06S12. You guys are the best CG ever...i can never forget the crazy times we had together, especially the times when fail to skip GP n the photo taking sessions n maths tutorials. Haas...though we are in different colleges now, we have to meet up often n remain in contact. I wish all of u well n all the best! Thanks n hugs!

Thirdly, arigatoks to my OG, ABBA 40. Though, we are together 4 onli one week, i enjoyed myself. U guys are the first peeps that i know in TP, i will never forget u guys. Wish u all well n all the best!

Next, huge thanks to all my tutors in TPJC [ Mr Ivan Sum, civics cum phy tutor, Mrs Sze, maths tutor, Ms Ng, econs tutor, Mdm Nuraida, GP tutor, Mdm Twu, chinese tutor n Mdm Neo, chem tutor ] and oso to the lecturers. Thanks u all 4 ur generous attention n time. I have learnt a lot from all of u...thank u! i will never 4get u all esp mr sum n mrs sze.

Also, thanks to TP CO. Though i onli went to one practice, i enjoyed my time there. Thanks to all the seniors especially the one who taught me how to play liu qin.

Lastly, thanks n hugs to everyone that i have met in TP!

answers/decisions or not?

2006-03-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

Having no answer is the best answer.This is always my belief. Why do i think so? I feel that having no answer will give me the opportunities to dream n fantasize about the answer. I know this sounds very stupid n even cowardly, but i m a dreamer. I like to dream n imagine about all kinds of things in life. Everything will eventually be smashed by reality, i know that but...I dunno how to explain my feelings but all i can say is that i like to add vibrant colours to my life, be it real or not.

Having no choice is probably the best choice? I feel that when u hav too many choices, there will difficulty in making ur final decision. There will be an opportunity cost incur..hees. In this way, u will not have to think about what u are sacrificing to make this decision.

Sigh...why must life be so difficult? why cant it be simplify? sigh..

past, present, future

2006-03-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the past, today is the present and tomorrow is the future.

We should forget the past, cherish the present and look forward to the future, correct? Hmm..then why can't i forget the past? i very much want to forget it, get over it, pick up the broken pieces and move on but i just cant do it.
What am i going to do? Though i tried my very best to forget it, it will pop up again suddenly, catching me completely off guard, affecting me in all kinds of ways. Sigh...i need a memory loss potion..haas.

gathering

2006-02-26T21:11:00.000+08:00

I had made a right decision yesterday. Though i was grossed out by the movie that we watched, the trip was memorable. Haas, i only knew yesterday that he is not as brave as i think he is, even worse than the other gal. After movie, went Ajisen to mum mum, the food there was not bad though i m not very accustomed to it. However, the service are not good. Imagine a waitress blaming the customers for the wrong order, haix...
After eating, we sat in the restaurant for a long time talking. i felt that all of us have grown up, our conversation became more intense n intimate. After talking n making a lot noise in the restaurant like we always do, we decided to leave before we r chase out. After that, went to buy some stuff before going to our favourite hideout, the void deck opp the library to talk n talk. We played around with the camera but none of us really wanna take any pics because we r worried we end up like the peeps in final destination 3, hees, a little stupid la. Then, we resumed our previous topic n concluded that no matter what, we must think for ourselves, think of the possible consequences n must have control. After the noises n advices we made n gave, we decided to head home. Hees, one of the latest we ever been out n a really fun time. Hope to have more of such relax outings.
* See, going out with the 3 of us is not as bad as u think, boy. heehaa.

sad

2006-02-26T20:53:00.000+08:00

One more week before everything ends n has to start anew. I will definitely miss the life n peeps that i have known in tp n never will forget them. They will be memories that i keep at the bottom of my heart forever. Actually, i dun really want to leave tp n start all over again at another jc but... It is not because of the peeps there or i think that it is a lousy school but because i dun hav a very good impression of some of the tutors there. But I have to say that there is onli a minority of tutors that i m not particularly fond of. There are several tutors that i m fond of like my maths tutor, i will definitely miss her.

Other than starting all over again, there is another thing that is bothering me. I m kind of attached to several of my friends and most probably will never get to see them as often in future because we may not be in the same school. Hence, i m feeling a little down. Though there are alot of dunmanites especialy 4A peeps going to the same college as i m, it is still a little different without them[ my closer friends ]. Sigh..Starting all over again...tiring.

loVe

2006-02-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

Love, what is it? Is it the love that exists between parents and child? Or is it the one that exists between friends? Or is it the one that exists between a guy and a girl?
The love within the family is one that we are familiar with since we are young. Though we may not exoress it, it still exists. This is the kind of love that comes to us naturally and unconditionally.
The love between friends is one that comes later when we began to know more people, other than our family. This kind of love is one that is innocent and pure.
The kind of love that exists between a guy and a girl is one that is complicated. This kind of love is never stable, it changes with the slightest move. It is also the kind that can change from love to hate in an instant without you realising it. It is the most frightening kind of love among the three. Yet, it is the one most people desire.
Frankly, i do not believe that, at such tender age, we are capable of such complicated form of love. People often mistake being in a relationship equals to being in love but they are not the same. Often, people feel that love should be expressed openly, but i think the most precious kind of love is one that is held within our soul. Love is something special that is only found with the right person and there is only one such person. Fate will be the one that bring the person to you.

So, Be patient and wait!

choices n decisions

2006-02-18T10:25:00.000+08:00

What is Life? It seems like every step u take in life is a gamble. Is that really so? Why is it so difficult to know if u have made the right decision or not? The only time when u really know if ur decision is right or wrong is when the consequences of the decision catch up with u. But by that time, isn't it already too late to do anything. Nobody likes to do things that they will regret later..i also. Yet, u will not know if there are regrets till the regrets come. Though, everyone has to be responsible for whatever they do, sometimes it is difficult to do just that. It is not because u don't want to but is because you don't how to.
Sometimes, i feel that having no choice is probably the best choice. At times, i really hate to make a choice or decision for i never know if it is the right one or wrong one. Choices have consequences, i know that. But the point is, do i have the ability to face the consequences or not. I really don't know.

reality

2006-02-11T09:38:00.000+08:00

Reality sucks! I HATE IT! I m juz like the ugly duckling that nobody notices...not even a glance.
Why is the world so unfair...why is it so cruel?

rainbow

2006-02-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

Muahahahaha...i did it! Finally, i can relax...dun hav to worry animore. Haas...i got the rainbow colours...excellent..i m happy.. Any way, everyone in dunman did well...we did better than the dragons..haas.. us snakes r the best. Yay, happy happy.. But i now hav to decide where to go, a big problem as well...sigh...

Also, i promise myself i will tell u if i got good results, so now..it means i hav to tell u..heehee..see first la! But it seems like you already hav someone in mind...hehe..

reality check!

2006-02-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

gosh...o's results coming up liao..TOMORROW.

Sometimes i m really pissed off when people say i dun have to worry for my results..I beg to differ. i m worried..ust because i got good results for prelims means i dun hav to worry. It's irritating that everyone thinks like this...i can't stand it sometimes..
They all just think that i m being xu wei but i m not lor..i m SERIOUS..
Why can't they understand? Why i never find someone that understands me..sigh..

Updating in Progress!

2006-02-08T20:35:00.000+08:00

This is the latest update at icy-grace.blogspot.com. i m so terribly sorrie that i didn't updated for like i dunno how long...there is an IMPORTANT reason for this- i got nothing to blog about...haas.. That's all 4 now..cc another day..Buai..haas

new year!

2006-01-29T21:50:00.000+08:00

Haas...Xin Nian Kuai Le to all...Gong Xi Fa Cai! A new year, a new beginning..
My new year resolution: To tell Ü my feelings n to learn to be more patient, caring n tactful.
Today, went visiting, saw many peeps that i hav not seen in a long time..they said the same old thing every year..sigh...they dunno how to change. Quite a boring day actually..sit there rotting, no one to talk to oso. But we came home rather early..then went to sleep..haas. Then..played wif little long long..hees..

today..

2006-01-28T15:04:00.000+08:00

Had a good nite sleep..haas..the first in many days. Woke up at 11++, start cleaning my room..new year is coming. Just as expected..i hav blocked nose due to all the dust..hees. After that..ate my lunch cum breakfast then finished up what i promised a friend. But after a while, i gave up 'cos it's simply too boring...but at least i completed half of it. Then, went to play games n watched show.. soon, i'll hav to get ready to go out. boring...hav to spend a few hours doing nothing, boring affair...sigh...

2006-01-28T00:18:00.000+08:00

Haas..wad a boring day i hav. We r stuck in tp 4 like an hour plus...trying to find ways to escape but failing miserably...sigh. In e end, we gave up n sat at their car park waiting 4 e gate to open...hees..a bit stupid though...
Eventually, we've made it to dunman n saw almost all our teachers. Ms Tang is still the same, Mrs Low too. It's a pity we could not see Mr Peterson. Not only we met our teachers, we sort of hav a mini class gathering. haas, going back to dunman made realised how much i missed 4A. Though i hav a fun cg now, they can't compare wif e 4A..sigh.. 4A simply ROCKS...all 4a peeps will agree wif me, rite? Hees..

apology

2006-01-28T00:13:00.000+08:00

Hey, i m so sorry about my font size n colours. Haas...the person i m talking about is someone u dun know so i guess there is no point knowing who, rite? Hees...i will try 2 b more obvious in future,k?

2006-01-25T17:11:00.000+08:00

If You Love Someone
Put Their Name In A Circle Not A Heart,
A Heart Can Break But A Circle Goes On Forever

bad day or not..

2006-01-25T16:20:00.000+08:00

haas..a good ending to a bad day..never hav i thought it will happen. it feels good talking to u..haas..the only bad thing is that i nearly had an heart attack.
But before it, i had a terrible day. First, chem teacher was so weird..she seemed so agitated the entire period..dunno y. Second, recieved a disastrous phonecall from a weird guy. It made me wanna change my no. n puke.
But thanks to u, my day was not so terrible after all..heez..

lies

2006-01-22T14:42:00.000+08:00

Words to a particular someone, i love ur smiles and ur eyes, so damn good at telling lies.

U can't lie forever...ur balloon of lies will burst eventually. When we believe u, it is not always because we r stupid n can't tell that u r lying but because we dun wanna embarrassed u.

It's 'bout time to stop lying and start telling the truth. People dun care about how great u are but they care about how truthful u r. Words from me to u.

meeting U

2006-01-20T21:28:00.000+08:00

Meeting you was fate,
becoming your friend was a choice,
falling in love with you was beyond my control.

Do you know it?

questions???

2006-01-20T20:32:00.000+08:00

i hav so many questions in my heart yet i hav no answers to them. who can help me with them? i really need help!
how i wished i find someone who could listen to me n help me...where can i find?
sigh...
Should I Smile Because You're My Friend Or Cry Because Thats All We'll Ever Be?

thinking...

2006-01-20T17:46:00.000+08:00

Real tears are not the ones that fall from the eyes and cover the face but are the ones that fall from the heart and cover the soul.

why do everything in the world seems so superficial? why do everyone only notice the outer self but never the inner self? what had happened to the internal beauty of things? what had the world became?